[2022/10/20] puppy

“You know, every time you’re mad at me, I feel like a puppy,” KF said. “Like a puppy having fun with its owner. But at one point, it accidentally does something wrong and makes the owner unhappy. The owner then yells at the puppy, but the puppy can’t understand, because it doesn’t speak human languages. So it feels sad, clueless, and guilty.” He is the puppy, and I’m the owner. If we disregard the hierarchical characteristic of this analogy, it remains very accurate and relatable. I remember the times when we were having fun, until a strange topic came up and bothered me. I started acting cold and mad toward him. However, I didn’t talk about the problem immediately. Instead, I stayed quiet and even walked away without letting him know sometimes. I imagine moments like that must be hard for him, especially when he is a simple man and this is his first serious relationship.

I was glad that KF brought this to my attention. I respect his opinions and love him more after this. I acknowledge that I need to work harder on my communication skills with him. I should tell him things sooner rather than later, and if I ever need to take a deep breath or step out, I should also update him on that and not leave him hanging. Hopefully, we are off to a healthier relationship because I cannot imagine how chaotic and messy my life is without him.

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