I just want to write this down so I can stop myself from feeling bad about my action and start improving. Yesterday when I was on a call with KF, he said that he was going to visit me next weekend. I immediately told him that I didn’t believe him and that he should not give me false promises. Then, I continued to ask him the reason why he would be coming; he said that his friend needed to move something to Long Island, which is 2 hours away from me, so he would try to visit me then. I, again, emphasized that he should focus on that task first before even thinking about visiting me so I won’t be disappointed if he can’t make it. I think I was really cold when I said everything and I did notice that he was really sad and confused.

Today I had a lot of time, so I thought about the conversation and realized that it was really wrong of me to say any of those things. First of all, he was trying his best to visit me and I completely overlooked that; instead, I only focused on thinking that I’m secondary to his friend’s errand and the times that he bailed on me. Second, I don’t like surprise visits, so I was supposed to give him kudos for planning things in advance and communicating with me, but all I did was tell him to keep it to himself and tell me when things are set?

Anyway, I was being too harsh on him yesterday and I don’t like the way I acted. I am writing this, again, to overcome my guilt and start working on how I communicate with KF because he is a very important person to me. He deserves all the love and respect that I could ever give.

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